How to know if your kid is ready for a phone!

Speaker 1 (00:00):

All right. So to continue on the theme of what we talked about in the last episode, we are going to talk about stuff around tech and Christmas. And if you're still thinking about what in the world do I get my kid and you want to know, are they ready for their own device? How to know they're ready and what things should you be looking for in order to make that decision? That's what we're going to talk about

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Today. So stay tuned, welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson. Okay. So I think I might have missed

Speaker 1 (00:51):

Mentioned this in my last episode, but I have observed different moms talking about whether or not they should get their kid a smartphone. And there's been several threads that are quite eyeopening where someone will say, Hey, I'm considering getting my kid a smartphone. And I just want to know from all of y'all that have had one, or given your kid one, what is your biggest regret around that? Or how would you change it? And, Oh my God, it is overwhelmingly the consensus for most that they wished they wouldn't have got it at the age that they did, or they wish they would've known to put more controls on it, monitor more, communicate more about it. Pretty much the consensus among all of them was that it had more of an impact than they anticipated. And they wish it could go back in time and change that decision.

Speaker 1 (01:38):

Absolutely how I feel too. And while my kids are doing wonderful, now, I, like I said, a couple episodes ago, I feel like I made their growing up more difficult because I put that in their hands and I had no idea how to guide them. I didn't guide them. And unfortunately they were the victims of my lack of knowledge around that. And so I want to do this episode about how to know if they're ready for a smartphone or for a phone, and how do you start out with navigating it? So I looked at multiple sources for this different psychologist, different therapists, viewpoints, and just, you know, trained to kind of come together with kind of like common threads of what most people are saying that you should look at before you put a device in your kids' hands. And there's not a huge consensus on all of that, but when I kind of merge it with my own experience, I have to say that I don't think there's any way that you can just say like, they're ready.

Speaker 1 (02:38):

You know, like they're ready to take the floaties off. Let's just take the floaties off and let them swim. I mean, even when we are teaching our kids to swim, right, I've used that analogy multiple times when we're teaching them how to swim. We don't just go from having floaties to no floaties. So I think there's still a breaking in period there. And whether you think that they are, have the maturity, not, you don't know how that is going to impact them and how their decisions will be made when they have the social pressure of social media. If you allow that, and then the addictive tendencies of a screen, along with, you know, the pressure from other kids and what they're doing or what they have their phone for, like, you cannot predict how the trajectory will be for your kiddo until you actually go through the process.

Speaker 1 (03:28):

And so I think the better question to ask is, am I prepared to help guide my kid when I give them this tech, this phone, this digital device? I think that's the better question. And I'm really kind of like talking without any notes here. I'm just talking through kind of what is going through my head and how things could have been different if I had known different a couple of years ago. So I think that's the better question to have is, you know, I'm going to start from a place of, no, maybe they aren't ready, but am I ready to help guide them? Am I ready to do this? And how do I want to do it? So I think that is the beauty of the options available. Now, if your kid is younger, like six to 10, maybe a watch is the best option.

Speaker 1 (04:13):

And like I've mentioned in a few episodes ago, the tick talk watch T I C K T a L K is a very great option to stay connected with your kid. They can even do some things that a smartphone can do, but it also is very, very much restricted and controlled by you. It's not putting the world at their fingertips, but it is giving them a chance to interact with you, stay connected with you, do a little bit of tech stuff, but you know, still kind of have some limits on that whole thing there. Okay. And then a dumb smartphone would be your best option with a phone. I mean, I just don't even see any other option for starting out with a phone because, um, whether you use a gab wireless phone or you use a pinwheel phone, they're both better options than putting a smartphone in their hands.

Speaker 1 (04:57):

Now, if they're, you've already made it to the teenage years, they have not yet had a phone kudos to you. Holy cow, I didn't survive that long. Like I bended, I bent over to the pressure of all the other kids have phones. I want a phone to wanting to give that to them, was my gift. It felt good. I thought it was a wonderful thing that I was doing. So if you've already gotten to the high school years and you haven't yet given a phone at all, then sure. Maybe the smartphone is the best option for you. And maybe you don't want to start with a pinwheel or a gap wireless phone, but I still recommend that you move forward with some very defined rules and boundaries in place, whether you're doing the dumb smartphone or the actual smartphone. Okay. So regardless of which type of phone you start with, there are a few things that I would like lay down as the law, so to speak in your house from the get-go promise that this will help you later down the road, it's much easier to let out the privilege, the ability to use it for longer and have more independence than it is to give all of the independence and then have to reel it back in.

Speaker 1 (06:12):

So what I would start with first is making sure that your kid knows that it is your device. It is something that you own, and it is something that is a privilege. It is something that is not like, you'll see some posts out there right now. If you look for them, they'd say you should not be given tech like a phone or an iPad or something like that as a Christmas present, because it gives the message that it is theirs. So while you can give it as a Christmas present, I think it's just all semantics. You need to lay down what the rules are for its use. And one of those is letting them know that you were in charge of this phone and it is yours. And you can take it back. If you deem that, you know, they're not being responsible with it that, you know, we need to pull back on this decision and reassess.

Speaker 1 (07:01):

So that would be my number one thing that I would make sure you communicate is that regardless of which phone you pick that this is your device and it is a privilege to use it. The second thing I would do is

lay down rules for the use in your house. So the things that I would look at is where it can be used when it can be used, how it can be used. I would set up parental controls on it. The screen time features whether it's an Android or a Apple, if it's a smartphone, they both have features on there where you can set up the restrictions on what can be consumed. If apps can be downloaded, all of those things. If you happen to get one of the dumb smartphones, the pinwheel phone has it already set up, it makes it very, very simple for you to be able to control when that phone can be used and what it can be used for.

Speaker 1 (07:48):

You can set up modes to where it is in a certain mode during a certain period of time. So wake up mode, they have certain apps that they could have access to that are necessary. During that wake up time in the morning school time, it could be shut down, except for being able to call you or text you at a certain time in the afternoon, it's their productive time or their education time. And so you have certain apps available that they can utilize for that. You have a free time where it's, you know, you can put what apps they can play with during that time. So it's basically helping them setting up boundaries and walls to help guide them and get that habit down of not letting the, the device control you. So with the dumb smartphone, the pinwheel is specifically, it takes a lot of those things out that can be kind of fluid can have glitches and things like that by already having it all in place and having kind of like filtered through a lot of the dangers of the different apps and things.

Speaker 1 (08:44):

So you don't have to take the time to do that with every single app that you allow on that device. That's the beauty of the dumb smartphones. And then the last thing that I want to share that I would absolutely make sure that you do is that you put in writing what your expectations are, especially for the use of a smartphone. So this could be an a contract form, or if you don't feel like that is necessary, just write out what the rules are like. The phone is going to be put up in mom and dad's room at night at this certain time, you know, whatever it is for you, where it's going to be used, what is allowed on it, those types of things. That way, when, if you, you know, realize that maybe a rule is being broken, it's clear, like you have clear, defined, realistic expectations and they know what they are, and then that's a place for you to start for communication.

Speaker 1 (09:35):

And, you know, then it just helps you to start from a place of like, if you let all of it out and then you have to reel it back in at a later date, it creates this feeling of like, you don't trust them. And there's this independence that they had and suddenly they don't. And so there's just a dynamic there that's a little bit harder to navigate. And sometimes, you know, it's, this is just kind of a ebb and flow type thing that it's not going to be a specific defined path. And it's kind of like you're doing a dance with all of the things, with all of the influences out there that in all of the stages and the things that they will be going through, adding any device in a smartphone and connectivity to friends and to the world and to information, it just creates a kind of another realm that, you know, they interact with you interact with, and it kind of complicates things.

Speaker 1 (10:25):

You know, I personally don't think that you can keep this out of their hands or should keep this out of their hands completely. As they get older, I think it's our responsibility to help guide them. But at some point they also need to do this. And of course, there's other factors in play there when it comes to peer influence and all of that. But this is kind of like, like, I can't tell you that you're going to do this, this and

this, and this is how it's going to go, because it's your kid's temperament, it's influence of friends. It's, you know, your family dynamic. All of those things come into play. Kids that have attention deficit, sometimes interact with the digital things differently. So this is going to be something that I highly recommend. You just start from a place of not is my kid ready?

Speaker 1 (11:06):

But am I ready to navigate this with my kid? Am I ready to get in the boat with my kid and go down this river of these years of interacting with all of the digital things, assessing how it influences and figuring out which way to paddle next, if that makes sense, it's just not a set in stone thing. And I could talk on this for hours, cause there's just so much that comes into play with this. I'm actually putting together a course that you will be able to purchase come January that has so much more information and guidance than what I can offer in my short little podcast. But it has been such a huge undertaking trying to wrap my head around all of the things that we need to consider in this space with the digital things in our kids. And so it's taken me a little while to put it together, but when I get it out there, I hope that you will grab it and utilize it as a place for you to help navigate down the river of raising our kids with all of the digital things.

Speaker 1 (12:11):

So more to come on that I want to get a wait list or a signup list where I, you know, you can be on my newsletter and you can be first to know when I do get that ready to go. So you can grab it and have it as a tool for your family going into 2021. So I will keep you updated on that. I have not gotten it set up where you can sign up for a wait list for more information on it. But if you go to my website and sign up for my digital resource guide, that is there, it's a free download, then that will get you on my email list. And you will be the first to know when I get that ready to roll so that you can grab it. Okay. So go to my website, Dolly denson.com and go under tools and resources.

Speaker 1 (12:55):

And there are a bunch of things listed there to help you. One of them is the digital resource guide. And then I have a few other downloads. I also have things there to help you as mom when it comes to cooking healthy food. And family-friendly recipes that I enjoy. I have an instant pot and I love my instant pot. So I have a set of recipes there that my family loves that are simple and common recipes, but ones that are simplified by using the instant pot. I also have, I believe I have Crock-Pot recipes there and then Christmas cookies and a few other things there. So you can certainly download those as well, but to get on my list for this course, download the digital resource guide or one of my digital things that are listed there. I also have several things listed as well in the show notes that I have discount codes for to help you as well.

Speaker 1 (13:40):

So grab any of those that you're interested in. I hope this was helpful for you. I hope that you were ready to help your kiddo navigate this path. If you are deciding to give them tech for Christmas, please feel free to reach out to me. Anytime I am here to chat, I am your friend. I am not an expert on any of this stuff, but I certainly am someone living the real life of navigating this. And that is my goal is to help you as a fellow mom, to figure this stuff out and help support our kids to be strong and confident as they grow into adulthood. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks for listening. And I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (14:19):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.