Making decisions we later regret! Pushing past the mom guilt!

Episode 21

Have you made decisions as a mom that you regret? Do you struggle with pushing past the mom guilt? Listen in to this episode for tips on how to turn mom guilt into mom growth! 

Help ensure the safety and normal childhood development of your child by grabbing the newest version of the GABB Wireless phone on or after 8/8/20 at THIS LINK or go to https://www.gabbwireless.com/promo/bethatmom and use code BETHATMOM for $10 off!! 

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Other options if you are considering a first phone:

• Relay go device can be found HERE
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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hey, Hey, I'm so excited to be back for another episode. Thank you for joining me today. We're going to talk about the very, very common thing. That is a common thread among most of us moms, and that is mom guilt in how we are going to flip that around and create mom growth. So stay tuned.

Speaker 2: (00:22)
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1: (00:50)
Alrighty. So before we get started today, I have to give you a shout out. If you are one of the ones that has opted in for bark to help protect your kids in a digital world, using a smartphone and all of the digital things, or if you are the one of nearly 100 people that has opted in just in the last week for a gab wireless phone using my code, be that mom, because the gab wireless phone and bark are the things that I wish I would have had back when I first gave my kids phones. They, I don't think either one of them existed, but I so wish I could turn back time and just use those two things cause they would have helped me so so much. So if you have not opted into those things, if you don't know what I'm talking about, go back a couple episodes where I highlight the features of bark and I highlight the features of gab wireless and get one that is appropriate for you.

Speaker 1: (01:42)
If your child does not yet have a phone, I have an episode that talks about the different options for phones in gab. Wireless is a great one to start your kiddo with it gives them basic features of a phone. And texting gives you some parental controls without giving them access to everything under the sun in the world. And then bark is a way for you to put another layer of security on your child's phone. If you use the screen time features on your child's phone to set up some limitations on how much they use their device and what things they have access to in an ad bark is another layer to that. Bart can send you alerts related to things like the activity that they're doing, what different things they are spending their time on, what types of conversations they are having. It gives them some privacy, but gives you some peace of mind.

Speaker 1: (02:29)
And I can't tell you how much it helped me to put it on my child's device and help me to sleep again. After so, so much was happening under my nose. I had no idea what's going on until it was almost catastrophic for us. And I don't say that to scare you, but my podcast is all about bringing awareness and being proactive in this new realm of parenting that we all have to stand up and face and be a part of, or it will have harmful effects on our kids. So I'm glad you're here. I'm glad y'all are opting into that. If you have not yet done it, my code is be that mom and you can access bark at bark dot U S use my code for seven day free trial and 20% off of your subscription for life. And that is a subscription for your entire family for one cost.

Speaker 1: (03:15)
And then for gab wireless, use my code, be that mom for $10 off their newest phone. They're taking preorders for it right now, but get your orders in now, because I don't know how much this first shipment of phones will be. And I know the demand is huge. I've already had a hundred, nearly a hundred people use my code just in the last week for that phone. So grab whichever option you prefer and get moving on that, use my code because it will absolutely help you moving forward. Okay. So today let's talk about mom guilt. It's the thing that I think all experienced to some degree and while we can easily forgive other people for things or sort of easily, it's often the thing that we won't allow for ourself forgiveness. There's so many times where I've thought back to when my kids were younger, not even related to the digital world, or I said things or he did things, or I yelled a little bit too much and all of that.

Speaker 1: (04:07)
And I feel guilty about that. Still. There was one instance where my youngest was, it was his birthday. I was supposed to take cupcakes to his class and he was so, so excited. I think he might've been in first grade then, but he was so excited about me coming and bringing those cupcakes while I was still, um, and I was an RN then I hadn't gone back to nurse practitioner school and I was still working. No, actually think I was a nurse practitioner already. And I was working at a trauma hospital in the city where I live and doing flip shifts for sometimes I work days and sometimes I worked evening and nights, so I was exhausted and I was not yet in the place where I was taking care of myself. I just couldn't seem to figure out how to fit myself in the tools that I use now for my fitness nutrition.

Speaker 1: (04:53)
I didn't even know they existed at that time. I so wish that I would have, but in this instance I was so tired and I set an alarm on my phone and said, I will, um, wake up at this time and then I'll go up to his school. Well, I laid down to sleep and my alarm never went off for whatever reason. And I slept right with the time that I was supposed to be at his school. So when I, I realized what time and it was, I can, I was like, Oh my God. So I grabbed the cupcakes and I zipped up to the school, but it literally was like 10 minutes until school was going to end. So I went ahead and signed in and I went to his classroom and Oh my God, it still breaks my heart to recall this. He was standing there in line as they got ready to leave for parent pickup and everything still had his little crown on his head, you know, his happy birthday, crown.

Speaker 1: (05:41)
And he was just sobbing, you know, just profusely crying. So disappointed. That was the moment where I thought, Oh my God, my child is never, ever going to forget this moment. This is going to be one of those memories. It's going to be forever etched in his mind where he realized that he could not depend on his mother. I have had so much trouble forgiving myself for that. And that's the type of thing that I think a lot of us struggle with is making mistakes like that, that we know have impacted our kids and not being able to go back and we just continually be ourself up over it. So over time I've moved forward and tried to forgive myself for that, knowing that I was at my wit's end in every realm and I wasn't prioritizing my own self care. And, you know, just in a very, very high stress job with the flip hours and all of that.

Speaker 1: (06:29)
So at some point I, I have tried to forgive myself for that, but that was one instance where the mom guilt was seriously real. A second instance where mom guilt am nearly did me in was a year ago. And that was at a time where, um, the kids, you know, teenagers moody, all these changes going on new friends, around all kinds of different things. And I knew something was off, but I didn't know what, and I didn't know how to take action until the reality came to surface. And we realized things that were going on that were influenced by us not monitoring. What was being done with devices, not putting devices up at night, not doing all of the things that I now talk about, not on this podcast, but over the past year, I have continued to beat myself up at times thinking I should have done this and I should have done this.

Speaker 1: (07:17)
And it's not just with one of my kids. It's with all of them. I can see now the impact that my lack of being proactive and really knowing what to do, impacted them with self esteem, their choices in life, all of those things. Okay. All of time, the things that I talk about, all the things that everybody talks about with digital vices in the world. So I want to talk about how do we move past that? How do we move past the guilt? How do we change that inner dialogue going on in our head? So, as I talked to you about this, I want to tell you that over about a year ago. So is when things really started coming light for us. So I can tell you over the past year that we have changed so much and had to make big decisions in regards to our kids and then their interaction with the digital world.

Speaker 1: (08:03)
But I can tell you that I sit here today and have a podcast because of those struggles that we have had in this realm. I see growth in my children. That is a result of the struggles that they have been through. And while I never want to purposely or knowingly put them through anything, it is my belief with anything in life that what we experience is put in our path for a reason, if we choose to see that. And so that is the stance that I have chosen to make, because if it wasn't for the things that we went through a year ago, or the last couple of years of just not really being aware of everything, I wouldn't be where I'm at right now, helping you. I wouldn't have this podcast. I wouldn't have connected with other moms and created a community where we can support each other in this new realm of parenting.

Speaker 1: (08:52)
There's so much about what's going on my life today, that wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the struggle. So if you can, uh, kind of relax into that realization and have faith and just know that your struggle creates your strength and that you can just take a moment and breathe and know that you don't have to have it all figured out. And that it isn't about knowing what every step needs to be. It's about taking a step and then readjusting as you go. So three tips that I want to give you in regards to this. So number one is use the use, whatever the struggle is, whatever the thing you're feeling guilty about as a catalyst for positive action. So in the moment where I overslept and wasn't there for my son with his cupcakes and he was heartbroken, I took that moment and said, I will try my best to not do that again.

Speaker 1: (09:45)
I will try my best to get better sleep and take better care of myself so that I'm more present for my kids. It still did take me a couple of years to figure out how to navigate that little thing. But I use that as a catalyst to take pause action. The second thing is you need as a mom to take daily time for yourself. Take daily time to just breathe, take daily time, to do some sort of reading reflection, meditation, do something every day to move your body and to fuel your body, give yourself good hydration and high quality food owes things are so, so powerful over time. And I can tell, tell you that it is a place of peace for me just to do that because it's a place that I can control and that I don't feel like I've lost myself completely in motherhood because I have that my safe space, my place, where I go to take care of me.

Speaker 1: (10:37)
And I'm a more present mom, if I do those things first for me. And then the last thing is when those thoughts creep in of guilt, choose again, the thoughts still creep in for me, they have more so in the last week or two, as I recall where we were at a year ago and how much has changed and how much at this moment a year ago, I was not aware was going on. When those thoughts creep in, choose again, forgive yourself, give yourself grace and know that you're human. And again, come back to put what I said before about knowing that you are not meant to be perfect. And knowing that with each step that you take in life, it is not out of perfection. It is about a mindset of growth of using a catalyst for change. Okay? So I hope that you found this helpful today, and I hope that you will continue to walk in a path of being proactive for your kids.

Speaker 1: (11:33)
I do hope that you are taking advantage of joining my free Facebook community for a place to come for, linking arms with other moms that want to be that mom that is positive and proactive for your kid. I also hope that you are taking advantage of using bark. If your kid already has a smartphone. And if you are looking at giving a first phone or you need to back pedal on that decision, gab wireless is a great choice for that. Use my code, be that mom and together let's be that mom's strong. Okay. I will chat with you next time. Take care. Um, next week we are going to be chatting about a subject that has been talked about a lot in the media lately. And I think it is so, so important that we are all aware of it. So be sure to tune in next week. All right. Thank you. Have a great day. Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free commu