Monitor now or later? How much trust to allow.

Episode 18

Does monitoring push them away or is it like giving them floaties when we teach them to swim? The BIG mom debate! This IS the one thing I could have understood better before I gave my kids a phone. I have talked about this in other episodes but just can't emphasize it enough. (Listen or see full transcription below!)

• Relay go device can be found HERE or at https://www.target.com
• Gizmo Watch can be found HERE
• Giving your kid their first phone! Consider GABB Wireless, the creators of a phone that can give your child the perks of a phone without giving them access to the world and the world to them, sort of like training wheels on a bike, for a bike that could potentially change the trajectory of their entire life. Use code BETHATMOM for extra $$$ off or go to this link:  www.gabbwireless.com/promo/BeThatMom
• Protect your child (and your sanity) in the digital world with BARK! Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off for life! https://www.bark.us
  

   

(A few of the above links are affiliate links that I may receive commission from at no extra cost to you! Your support is greatly appreciated!)

Want to be THAT Mom besties??? Text BETHATMom to 50597 and jump in to my free Be THAT Mom Movement Facebook Community HERE! 

.

Email me at [email protected] or connect with me on IG @dollydenson https://www.instragram.com/dollydenson

.

More info on the Be THAT Mom Movement https://www.dollydenson.com

.

Simplify your fitness/nutrition routine! Join me in the Align Your Life Fit Club! More info can be found at https://www.dollydenson.com/fitclub

Listen in here or go to https://bit.ly/bethatmompodcast or check out the transcription below! 

Full Transcription: 

This is episode 18 of the be that mom movement podcast. And today we are going to talk about how much trust to allow the big mom debate.

(00:11):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in andproactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by amother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the be that mom movementwith your host Dolly Denson.

(00:36):
Hey, Hey, so here we are again, and I'm so excited to chat about this today because I see it so often indifferent groups. I'm in on Facebook, in different chat areas where moms are saying, you know, should I monitor this stuff? Should I not monitor this stuff? And I have talked about this in past episodes, but this is such a very crucial decision, in my opinion, in hindsight, after raising three kids and giving them all the
things and not having a clue about the dangers, trust me, mom, trust me. If you're that mom, you need to monitor like, seriously, if you have been listening to this podcast at all, we need to monitor. But this is what I see a lot of times is people will say, you just need to talk to your kid. Like, just communicate. Like, why do you have to monitor?

(01:29):
You're just going to push them away. Why would you do that to them? They're just going to think that you don't trust them. You're going to close the lines of communication because you're monitoring them. Why would you do that? If there's no reason to monitor don't monitor, wait until they give you reason to monitor. I mean, seriously, you went to church with them, y'all eat at the dinner table. You talk all the time. They have loving grandparents. Like, why would you monitor? It's just going to push them away. Right? Have you heard those things? Have you said those things? I said all of them, every single one of them. No joke. Yup. I for sure did. Holy cow, if I only could go back in time and tell my less experienced self, I would change that completely. Okay. Here's the thing like we've talked about in other episodes,
the digital world is so much at their fingertips.

(02:28):
If you're giving them a phone with no guidance, with no limitations, with no monitoring, there's so much that they can do without you knowing they are clever and they will sneak things past you. They will. And I'm not saying that because you have to innately not trust them. It's being naive. It's not knowing. And it's being curious and it takes them down paths. So, so quick that you won't even know they've gone down that path until they are we down that path. Okay. Way, way, way, way down that path. Okay. And then the other thing that I hear is, well, should I give my kid, um, an Android phone or an iPhone? I mean, I already bought him an iPhone. So how do I monitor it? Okay. We've talked about those, right? I commented on a mom's post the other day. And one of the groups I'm in and said, she talked about her 11 year old son and that she was going to give him a phone.

(03:39):
And so they were looking at what phone to give. And she just wanted to know what things she should set up as far as monitoring. Yes. That is awesome. That you were aware that you need to monitor. But the second thing is the choice of that phone, like I've mentioned before. So I commented on there and I just said from personal experience, I would not give him an iPhone. I would give him a gab wireless
phone or I would give him an Android phone. And surely now looking back, I think 11 is too young for even an Android phone. Seriously. So if it was me to do it again, I would have given a gab phone. And this is what I advised in. I'm just another person in this group. So she probably, you know, took my advice is not much credit, whatever, but I said, I would give a gab wireless phone because it gives them
the feel of a smartphone, but it's not so smart.

(04:37):
It will call, it will text, but it won't let you get on the internet or social media. It gives them an inkling of that world without giving them the entire world. Right. And, um, by the way, if you are looking for getting a phone from gab wireless, go to gab, wireless.com and use my code, be that mom all together. And that will give you an extra $5 off. And right now they have their phones at 50% off, 50% off. So
they're normally 99, they're now 49 something. So, um, grab one of those phones for your kid. If you are giving them their first phone, it's up to you and at your discretion at what age that is. I can't tell you what to do with that. I can only tell you what my experience is and what I would do if I could go back in time.

(05:27):
But what I would do is give a GABB WIRELESS phone. And then when I did give them their first phone, I'd give them an Android phone. So what I mentioned when I commented on this, this mom's post was that, that's what I would do. And the response I got was, well, we're an Apple family. Oh my gosh, we are too.
And I said, those exact words I seriously did. I'm like, no, everybody's getting iPhones. That's what we all have. Nobody's getting an Android. And back then when my kids were that age Androids, weren't that good? Like they didn't have as many features. You couldn't get as many apps, like everything was released to Apple and you couldn't really get the same thing with Android. And I think for the most part,
they're pretty equal in the features on the phones are pretty equal. But the biggest thing is that I phone or Apple, I'm not sure who it is, but they don't allow as much monitoring on an iPhone.

(06:24):
And it's just like the fanciest version, the smartest phone out there. It's not what our kids need to have in their hands. Okay. Now I will tell you that my kids now are 15. By the time this episode comes out, the second one will be 18 and 22 and they all have iPhones, but I'm very much more aware of what's going on now. And I use bark to help monitor. So, you know, you can give them those things, but you're going
to have to be much more conscientious and then just know that Snapchat, tick talk and Instagram, it's, it's impossible to monitor them as closely as it would with an Android phone. Okay. So you're going to have to actually take that phone in your hands and look at it more, but you're probably still going to miss things. Okay. Like it, there there's just so much going on that you're probably going to miss things.

(07:18):
So your choice, your discretion, but that's what I recommend. And the beauty in BARK (USE CODE BETHATMOM FOR 20% OFF), once you do give them an Android or an iPhone, is that it gives them privacy, but it gives you peace of mind because it is monitoring the conversations, but not like it's recording them or, you know, it's, it's not like all in there, but it's monitoring for conversations that alert them of something to be concerned about. And, you
know, it'll detect like words related to cyber bullying. It'll detect things about anxiety and depression. It will detect things about profanity violence, you know, sexual predators that might be trained to contact them, drugs, alcohol, all of those things, all of the things that kids are curious about or that with the cyber bullying, the anxiety and depression, those have skyrocketed since we started having social media and all of the access to everything and not being really aware of the dangers.

(08:19):
And it's heartbreaking to see all the stories of young kids killing themselves because of cyber bullying or because of the constant compare comparison or not being able to really figure out, you know, what the issue is around all of the confusion of growing up. You know what I mean? So that's the beauty of monitoring things like bark, and I'm sure there are other things out there, but bark is the one that I have
found to be the most comprehensive. And they are continually adding to their features that just, just the main limitation is using it on an Apple device because Apple doesn't allow as much monitoring in some of those apps. And hopefully that will change in the future. But that is my stance on that is monitor from the get go. It is not a right to have the smartest phone out there. It is an earned privilege and you need to tread lightly in monitor as you give it to them in their hands.

(09:21):
And like I've mentioned in other episodes, you know, have the boundaries, the limitation set on when they use it, where they use it, what they can use it, you know, what apps they can use and that type of stuff. But if I could start over, I would do GABB wireless. So go to gab wireless.com, use my code, be that mom for an extra $5 off and they're already 50% off. And then with Android or iPhones, I would use bark
could have bark.us. And you can use be that mom for 20% off. Then that's 20, 20% off for life, the monthly fee or the annual fee. So you can take advantage of that too. But that is my advice I would monitor absolutely out the gate and don't be an Android family or an Apple family, be a family that is going to create a solid foundation for your kid. That is not based on comparison, anxiety, depression,
cyber bullying, drugs, alcohol, all of those things that they will likely be exposed to or have to deal with once you give them that phone. Okay. Hope that was helpful. Talk to you next time.

(10:24):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.